


And to All a Very Good Night

by Liviconnor



Category: Christian Myth & History, Night Before Christmas - Clement Clarke Moore, The Bible
Genre: Destroying Childhood Memories, Inspired by Poetry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-07
Updated: 2013-01-07
Packaged: 2017-11-24 00:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/628262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liviconnor/pseuds/Liviconnor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He only leaves home once a year, so he's got to make it worth the wait.</p><p>A mythical saint. A son of God.  A world-spanning connection.<br/>Passions are unfurled in a rarepair like no other.  Prepare to smash your childhood dreams to pieces, and tantalize your imagination in a sultry tale of rhythm, rhyme, and uncontrollable lust.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And to All a Very Good Night

**Author's Note:**

> If you are someone who holds "Night Before Christmas" in a special, beautiful place on your heart, if you truly love Christmas carols and "Away in a Manger" makes you glow every time you hear it, stop reading. This is Jesus/Santa porn, in poetic form. Don't do that to yourself.

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,  
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.  
All the stockings were hung by the chimney with care,  
And chubby Saint Nick had already been there.

He was packing the presents down under the tree,  
When the fireplace clattered with dust and debris.  
He turned around then, thinking, "Who's coming down?  
"Who disturbs Christmas in this quiet town?"

But of course it was Jesus, the jolly old chap,  
With a loincloth as pants and his thorny crown-cap.  
He grinned at his friend and said, "Nick! It's the season!  
"To visit you, I need no invite or reason."

And then they embraced, as in years past they had,  
But that was the end of their friendly facade.  
The jolly old elf gave his savior a wink,  
And suggested, "How 'bout we try out a new kink?"

Big J's grin was filthy, "What's your idea, Nicky?  
"Will it leave us both sweaty, and tired, and sticky?"  
"Oh, all that and more," Saint Nicholas said.  
"For this year's encounter let's forego a bed!

You see those old chimneys have such a tight flue  
I know I could never get both of us through  
But nowadays most don't even have fireplaces  
So I've had to work out with new stretches and paces

And I've found I'm more flexible than I once thought  
I'd love to try out this new swing-thing I bought."  
Jesucristo peered into Nick's big sack full of toys  
And said "Set 'er up, just don't make too much noise!"

And soon the room filled with the sounds of wet slapping,  
As childhood icons were mutually 'tapping.'  
As they sweated and grunted both steered well and clear  
Of ornaments shaped like eight tiny reindeer.

After, both pulled on their holiday suits  
Though Santa left puddles from snow on his boots  
And as the men left and flew into the night  
I swear that the stars never shone quite as bright.

So remember, this Christmas, with comfort and cheer,  
 _You'll never know if Nick and Jesus fucked here._

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I sit around thinking about Rule 34 and think, "Jesus can consent..."
> 
> As every author does, I love comments. Especially concrit... though heaps of praise are welcome as well. I'd be surprised by flames, but if you want to, please be detailed about exactly what pissed you off, and why.
> 
> Thanks!


End file.
